Labour & Birth! what you wish you knew and some important info from yours truly.

Hi Mumma, mum of 2 here with a third on the way and welcome to my personal experience of what I wish I knew before giving birth. Also read until the end on some very interesting information about after the craziness that is birth.

After giving birth to Hamish, I was shocked at how much I didn’t know about childbirth, despite googling all about it the entire way through. I must admit I thought ignorance was bliss, to that I say yes and no. 18 year old me you really fucked us in the preparing department.

Righto! Let us get down to fun facts

1. No one told me I would be giving birth twice. Umm yeh, after baby is born you will give birth to your placenta. That beautiful little (not so little) thing that feeds and keeps your bub alive, that’s gotta come out. Within a few minutes your womb begins to contract down so that all the blood vessels seal off for when the placenta comes away. The ‘ACTIVE MANAGEMENT OF THE THIRD STAGE OF LABOR’ so they say. For me this was vaguely painful, but I just pushed a baby out my yoni, it was nothing compared.

2. NOBODY MENTIONED A CATHETER. Right prepare ladies, if you end up getting an epidural on the day, you will be getting a catheter too. What is a catheter? Glad you asked (just got Goosebumps) anyways. Once you get the epi it blocks all the nerves in the lower half of your body and you are given a fluids which will make you pee, you cant control your bladder so the catheter is put in to nicely put, collect your pee. Don’t worry your numb when this gets put in – not so numb when they take it out.

3. Pain after giving birth is real, it really is such an individual journey some women don’t have pain at all, some do a bit, and some are in so much pain after birth you’ll need meds. Prepare mentally that this may be a situation.

4. The quote the midwives use to birth your baby ‘push like your trying to do a big poo’ GIRLLLLL let me tell you I never strained that hard for a poo, no poo was worth that strain. Also, what popped into my mind... will I actually do a poo? My god in that moment I internally thought fuck surely that is not a thing. But no apparently, it’s a thing.

5. You will be terrified of your first bowel movement. Mate your going to fear pooping, you’ve been through the ringer and that first time can feel like the scariest moment in the world. Weeing also fucking stings, hot tip gets a squirty water bottle and when you wee, squirt water down there too.

6. All dignity goes out the window. I shopped for cute coverings to breastfeed after, a pretty night to wear while giving birth. Yep. Nope. Didn’t go to plan. Entering that second stage of labour I could not have cared less if a visitor walked in the room. Legs are pulled up to your chin, everyones down at your hooha, soon as babe is born the chuck them quiet literally straight on your boob, its full on y’all.

7. Breastfeeding can hurt. Id describe it like glass cutting my nipples. Sorry. Baby ‘latching; is the trick to smooth sailing. Prepare with nipple shields and a good nipple cream. Also, your boobs are going to triple. Sounds nice in theory but if you get a clogged duct, oh boy you are in for it.

8. You may not feel that ‘overwhelming’ love at first sight. THIS IS OKAY AND NORMAL. You have to understand your going to go through the biggest event in your life, your tired, exhausted, you may not want to be touched, you may be in pain, just understand support is there and TAKE IT!

9. You will walk out of hospital still looking pregnant. Those friends that pop a baby out and voila, look like they did post baby, they are the exception not the rule. It takes about 3 weeks for your tummy to come down, enjoy your new body. Become body confident you just housed a human for 9 months. THIS IS OKAY. Your amazing.

10. Often your waters wont break naturally when you begin labour. 18-year-old me expected that movie scene like ‘oh babe my waters just broke take me to hospital, bang, baby.’ No. its often gradual, you’ll feel pressure, maybe some Braxton hicks, during the day or night maybe for a few days, and you basically stay at home as long as possible until its quite uncomfortable or unbearable.

11. INDUCTION. Kaaaaaay – deep breathe -. This was my second birthing scenario, thanks to the epidural from my first, I had nerve damage in my back which made it hard to carry a 9-pound baby in my tummy. So, at 39 weeks I waddle into the maternity ward blissfully unaware of what the procedure was. In short, they broke my waters, chucked a drip in, in case they needed to administer the medication to help induction begin, oh there s also lots of ways to get induced. But, mine was my waters getting broken by what looked like a knitting needle with a hook, that my friends was the moment I though umm no thanks, what the fuck is that. Well it was PAINLESS so sorry for the scare, but then immediately flush a heck load of fluid came and 10 minutes later HEAVY contractions came on, induction contractions were so much worse than natural contractions for me. I began labour and birthed Lakyn in an hour and 40 minutes, it was one long contraction and I screamed the whole way through. But it was the best recovery.

12. If needed, they will cut you during active labour. If baby’s head is stick, they can use forceps or a plunger like thing to vacuum them out, and there head will be a cone baby. Just fyi, take a few months to go away.

13. Epidurals hurt. Needle in the spine doesn’t even sound low key. Your also having contractions and need to stay still, like cannot move. Then pain all goes away! It also can fail. Like needing it done 5 times more, fail. There are big risks too. I got sciatic nerve pain from my epi, ill suffer from it for the rest of my life now. Also MAKE SURE YOUR PARTNER MOVES YOU FROM SIDE TO SIDE do not lie in one spot. You’ll thank me later.

14. This can be very traumatic and overwhelming for your partner, they are there to support you, but a few kind words to them ‘thankyou for being here and supporting me’ ‘are you okay’ ‘go get something to eat quickly’ ‘I’m glad im doing this with you’ wont go astray. Gives them a little more strength, this is the scariest biggest moment of there life so far too.

Well babes, hope this did not scare you but enlightened you that it isn’t what you may picture, but it absolutely could be, just prepare!!

Little facts I have found along my motherhood journey that are absolutely amazing.

1cord clamping. Not cutting the cord immediately and waiting 3-5 minutes allows all the blood, antibodies, stem cells and all that goodness to fully transfer to baby. You must request this or have it in your birthing plan.

You can keep your placenta, put it in capsules or literally can do anything with it. Initially I was like no thanks doll you can chuck that weird looking organ the hell away from me. But upon doing more research the health benefits are insane, look it up. Ill leave that one up to you.

Keeping your baby’s teeth isn’t just a creepy things us mums do, it actually has a big health benefit. Stem cells are stored in baby teeth and if your little babe ever gets sick, gets cancer or a disease this will come in handy and prevent traumatising and unnecessary pain to extract stem cells later.

Love and Light,

Maddi x